First impressions are everything (although we sometimes wish they weren’t.) Examples that jump to mind are endless: the job applicant that was dressed to the nines–but showed up late. A delectable meal ordered out–and was delivered to the table cold. The beautiful, new home recently listed–too bad the interior work was substandard.
We can all probably think of those times when we initially formed opinions of something or someone. If our expectations are not met, then our perception is forever colored. The job applicant might be a brilliant candidate, but will her punctuality (or lack thereof) interfere with job performance? And gee, our neighbors gave that restaurant high marks, but if I’m a food critic and my meal is cold, my review probably will be, too. And of course, if I’m wanting to purchase the best home for my dollar, that doesn’t include having to shell out more cash to make costly updates right away.
On the other hand, there are those instances that can pleasantly surprise us: the sleeper hit at the box office, an unexpected “pay-it-forward” from the dawdler ahead, the once-dissed book that becomes a bestseller.
When our perceptions of people and things turn out to be different–exceedingly better–than what we’d originally imagined, often it leaves us scratching our heads. Not because we hate to admit our first impressions might have been colored, but perhaps, because we’re baffled at our inability to see past what we’d viewed as the obvious.
In today’s society, it seems that we’re automatically geared to judge by our senses. (Sometimes, of course, that can be a good thing–a Holy Spirit kind of thing.) I wonder, though, what about those times when our internal belief systems clash with our external barometers? Are we really able to separate the two? When we recognize our perceptions as flawed, do we easily part with them, or do we tend to dissect, study, and continue to operate under preliminary assumptions?
Part of the writing process that I enjoy is playing the “what if?” game. I like to create certain characters and give them unique traits and tendencies that may or may not reveal who they really are. What if Joe Blow’s new neighbor is a kind-hearted Christian but one with enough baggage to launch her own suitcase line? What if some of that baggage includes a failed relationship, a questionable past, and a family member with a dark secret? What if the new neighbor’s skeletons mirror those of Joe Blow’s? Will “Joe” accept his neighbor’s faults and foibles a little more easily then?
Perceptions are what make a story come alive, especially in Christian fiction where people have preconceived notions about living the “good life.”
And just as in real life, those perceptions aren’t always what they seem to be.
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Can you share an experience about someone (generically, please) or something that turned out to be different from what you’d initially perceived–be it good or bad?
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The WINNER of last week’s blog drawing is CandidKerry. Congratulations, Kerry! Kerry won a $25 Chili’s gift card, along with some very nice writing items.
Comments 8
We, my fiance and I, recently did an 8-day silent retreat. It was fascinating, humbling and instructive to see that we all thought of one another after we were finally allowed to speak — after 7 days of watching one another all day every day. One woman I had dismissed as sour (never smiled) turned out to be a lovely person living near Paris (my favorite city.) A woman we met told me her initial (harsh and inaccurate) impressions of me.
We read only the surface. Most people are somewhat more complicated than they appear!
Author
You’re so right! Pre-judging/initial perceptions…if only the two didn’t go hand in hand!
Thanks so much for your comment!
Great post, Cynthia! I’ve had a few deep friendships develop despite my misjudgment of the person initially. Maybe I caught them on a bad day or I assumed their facial expression was because of “X” reason when it really was because of “Y”. Whatever the case, I’m glad God gave me second chances with them.
Author
Great example, Sarah! (And I have to admit–I’m a sucker for a friendly smile! Which you have, BTW.) I’ve met so many wonderful friends because of that initial “smile connection.”
Love that picture! I need to sit there and splash my feet in the water a bit while I ponder your question.
Maybe it’s my age, but I’m having trouble recalling any first-impression foibles. I have been surprised many times–having taken bazillions of phone calls and formulated a picture in my mind of the person who went with the voice–when I’ve met them in person.
Author
When I was in elementary school, Patti, there was a teacher who was greatly feared by the students. He was tall, stern, and stone-faced much of the time. Rarely did I see him smile or offer a kind word to any of the students. Wouldn’t you know, I was assigned to his fifth grade class one year. I have to say, my previous perceptions/impressions of the man were dead on. That was truly a case where I wish my youthful assumption hadn’t been correct. I trembled in fear much of that year, but later, I realized he must have been a very sad person.
Great post! One thing I used to be extremely guilty of myself was judging others. I do not want to say I had a superiority complex, as it was not that I thought I was better than these people, just that I would categorize them before even really meeting them. To be quite honest, for a while I did not see too many issues with this mentality, as I viewed myself with such high regards, so I thought it was “ok” if someone like me judged others. Of course, little did I know that my judgments were more a reflection of myself and my own personal insecurities than it was on anyone else.
With little or no knowledge of strangers, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly form a strong opinion of others – the employee at McDonald’s, the mechanic wearing ripped jeans, the motorcycle biker with tattoos, the punk rocker with spiked hair, etc. We judge people every day regardless of the truthfulness behind our judgments. This is because we see our perceptions, not necessarily reality. Perception and reality are two entirely different things. It is important to distinguish the difference between perception and reality. We may perceive a person, situation, or thing one way when in reality he, she, or it may be nothing like we imagined.
Author
Very insightful, Joe. I believe that’s the true mark of Christian maturity–when we learn to leave the judging up to our Heavenly Father. (And because of our own human failings, it’s sometimes a bit of an uphill battle.)
We’ve tried to teach our children that we are certainly no better than anyone else. Now, we may choose to live by different (biblical) moral codes, but at the end of the day, skin color, financial status, social breeding, etc. are moot points in the light of eternity.